The Stumblebum

Yeah, one of my favorite fuckin’ movies of all time, The Boondock Saints, is getting a sequel. This thing has been promised for years, rumors of money issues, actors not wanting to participate, Troy Duffy being a complete douchebag, etc have been thrown around like crazy. But here it is. For better or for worse, they’ve made the thing.

Troy, if you fucked this up, I will write very scathing things about you in the future.

I’m so goddamned excited I am about to start shitting four leaf clovers.

Happened upon this video earlier, laughed, decided to share. Fuck it, that’s what I do. The co-host’s reaction is hilarious!

A man’s life was saved yesterday when he signaled rescuers using Morse code on his HTC Touch Pro phone.

Coz McHibby of Shaggy, Maine was riding his BMX bike through a torrential downfall last night, when suddenly he slid from the road and ended up pinned in a ditch. Mr. McHibby was immobilized by the weight of the bicycle and was unable to cry for help over the sounds of thunder. Desperate, Coz grabbed for his cell phone and attempted to call emergency services.

Coz stated:

“So there I was, bleeding from the elbow, in excruciating pain. I grabbed my phone and attempted to call 911, but since the wind was blowing in a eastern direction, Sprint did not allow me a signal. I tried to text message my wife, but the keyboard on my phone was lagging so bad that I was concerned my battery would die before I could type my location.”

With water slowly filling the ditch, McHibby heroically wrenched and pulled his legs to free himself from the weight of his bike, only to twist his ankle, further compounding the danger.

“It was at this point that I knew I was going to die. I was terrified. I though about my wife, Carla. I hoped that our son, Hibby McHibby, wouldn’t be too devastated. I had all but given up at this point, and then I remembered my Girl Scout leader training program.”

Coz used a program called nueLight to flash a signal into the dark night, hoping beyond hope that someone would see and respond. He began flashing S.O.S. frantically. After nearly 15 minutes of flashing his signal, his phone battery was about to die. Then Mr. McHibby noticed a flash in the darkness.

Rescuer Mike Horn (a local doctor) noticed the flashing in the distance and responded. Mike told us:

“I was out looking for my dog, Mighty Pooch, and out of the corner of my eye I recognized an S.O.S. signal from my years in the Canadian Coast Guard. I responded with my flashlight and the answering party began to lead me to his location through Morse code. It was a pretty dramatic rescue. As I neared the ditch where Mr. McHibby was trapped, he flashed the message ‘bring cheeseburgers’ into the night. Knowing that a full stomach would help immensely in his recovery, I swung by McDonald’s, and almost forgot where he was when I returned. Luckily, the super-bright LED light led me right to his position.”

Heroically, Mr. Horn dove into the ditch, and in an almost inhuman display of strength, removed the damaged BMX from Coz’s scraped legs. Throwing the bike into the street, Mike then helped Mr. McHibby to his feet, and used his own phone (which was not using Sprint, and therefore had a signal) to call 911.

Today, Coz McHibby is recovering at home, being catered to by his son. Hibby McHibby stated that he is just so happy to have his father back, because he is too young to get a job and really wants to get the newest phone as soon as it comes out. He wants to become a programmer when he grows up and dreams of making S.O.S. applications that will be used in all future phones. We went to the beach to find Carla McHibby, who had this to say:

“What’s all the fuss? I didn’t know he was gone. Do you mind? You’re blocking my sun.”

We here at The Stumblebum wish Coz a speedy recovery.