The Stumblebum

Anna Stephenson stops by Today NOW! to show parents of girly sons costume tips to survive Halloween without accentuating their child’s already obvious homosexuality. Check it out below!

Normally, I do blogs on why I don’t like a band, but this is TOTALLY different. This blog is about the best band ever (in my opinion). Who might that be you question? Well, that band is Death, fronted by the late, great Chuck Schuldiner. Unfortunately, in 2001, Chuck passed away with brain cancer. But here’s a little info on Death if you are clueless. The band formed in 1983, released their first album Scream Bloody Gore in 1987. They were originally called Mantas. They ended up releasing seven albums which ended with The Sound of Perseverance (1998) (my personal favorite). But you know, there isn’t a bad Death album in my eyes. Chuck was a musical genius, as he wrote ALL the lyrics and MOST of the music. Death is what I call the perfect metal band and here’s why:

First off, they had one of the most original logos (see picture below), which was designed by Chuck himself. Also, they do not need to dress like a “rockstar”, they let their music speak for itself! Death is very well known for their harmonization as well as Chuck’s unique vocal style (not your typical cookie monster death metal vocals). They’ve also covered Judas Priest’s “Painkiller” (which you can find at the bottom of this post), and in my eyes is a great contender for being better than the original, which I never think. Also, 12 years after the last Death album, Death t-shirts are still as popular as they first were. If you’ve never heard this band, I’d suggest you get on it, as your missing out on alot!

So what have we learned? Original logo. Great lyrics. And no need for them to dress up as they let the music speak for itself.

Death’s cover of “Painkiller”

Slipknot.

I don’t know even where to start with this band. This is another one of those bands that have a ton of fans and I dont understand why. It all don’t make sense, it don’t add up. Here’s why I don’t like them. First off, someone needs to tell them halloween only comes once a year. Second, it really pisses me off when someone calls them “death metal”. They are “nu metal” and if you beg to differ, i’ll gladly put you in your place. Here’s why, first, this band consists 9 members. Second, they have a DJ. No metal band should have a fucking DJ. Third, they have the same elements of rapcore, meaning, The singer raps while there are guitars. Thus, Slipknot is nothing but a nu metal band.

Onto the percussionists. First, Joey Jordison, their main drummer, is good. He’s nothing past that. Just because he can drum upside down, like OMG, makes him the best, NO! Any drummer who’s decent can do that. Second, why in the flying fuck do we have a guy who’s job is to hit a fucking keg with a baseball bat? Since when was this an instrument? Why don’t we go all out and bang on pots and pans? Goddamn. And, just for the note, If I was drumming and had two people backing me up, I’d sound damn good too! I remember my brother in law once got me their cd and I thought it was the biggest garbage I’ve ever heard in my life. I can understand not everyone has my taste in music, but it seems most anyone and everyone into metal likes them minus VERY FEW people, am I not seeing something they are? I don’t get it.

So what have we learned here? Slipknot sucks. They’re not metal. They have a DJ. They have too many goddamn members, and they need to realize Halloween is only once a year. I figured this blog would only be appropriate seeing we’re only two day shy of Halloween. Feel free to leave your comments if you disagree.

Metallica.

When most hear it, most think “metal gods” while others think “shitty music”. Don’t get me wrong, I use to love this band because they were one of the first “metal” bands that I started listening to back when was a kid. The second thing I want to point out is that they are one of the “gateway” bands to those entering the world of metal. I started out living this band, thinking it was heavy as hell. And at the time, they were one of the heaviest bands I had ever heard. I did not know that bands could be heavy, catchy AND good. Enough of why I think they WERE good. Now onto the part where everyone is going to have their different sides of the story. I think they currently SUCK. Lets take a look back. Back in the 80s when thrash was popular, they were thrash. Then in the 90s when “radio rock” were popular, they released albums such as “Load” and “Reload” which were both very radio friendly. And then we enter the 2000s when metal becomes popular again, they “returned to their roots”. I don’t buy this. Sure “Kill Em All”, “And Justice For All..” and “Master of Puppets” were all great thrash albums, but after the self titled black album, what the fuck happened?!??! Because, y’know after the black albums, their more current album seems to be aimed at record sales only and lacks the passion that their earlier records had. For instance, where the hell’s the passion in “St. Anger” ? And whats this “Death Magnetic” shit? These albums WOULD HAVE NEVER been released in the 80s. Some would begin to argue saying that bands “change” or “progress with time” but a band of this caliber is currently doing nothing but going downhill. Don’t believe me? Try comparing “St. Anger” to their self titled “Metallica” album.

Take a look at these pictures, just for instance, You can tell they are trying too hard in the new picture. In the old picture, they just stand there and let the music do the talking. Coincidence? I think not.

Welcome to my first post. You may know me from Twitter (www.twitter.com/followthreaper) or you may have heard about me. But just a little info about me is I love music.

Recently, I have fallen out of fan status from a band under the name of Trivium. This band has been around ever since 1999. Their first album, Ember to Inferno was trying to be speed metal/thrash, but unfortunately, they failed. Stop with the screaming. Granted, the album was under-produced, it still sucked. Next, they tried metalcore with their 2005 release Ascendancy. Again, they failed. Lead singer Matt Heafy claims to hate emo, and claims they are not emo, but they have lyrics like “fuck the world, fuck it all”. Why? Don’t deny what you are, whether you like it or not, STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. Anyways, moving on with their 2008 release of Shogun… They tried to go back to their roots, but kept their typical chug-chug-chugggg breakdowns. Fuckin’ stop with the dumb shit, already.

I use to be a fan of this band, but they got old. Just like a band can grow onto you, this band grew off. I don’t know if its because I realized they sucked or what, but this band just needs to retire. And as I close this out, I wish to state that their newest cover of “Iron Maiden” is terrible, singer Matt Heafy can’t even pronounce the title correctly! STOP WITH THE TERRIBLE MUSIC PLEASE!

Look at the images below on how their look as evolved as their sound has evolved (proving they go with the scene).

Pepper spray is apparently more effective than “shut the fuck up” when it comes to shit talking little kids.

A prank to rival all pranks before has been pulled on the entire world.

In the face of all of the troubles plaguing the planet right now, from falling economies to war to some hostages being taken somewhere, the Nobel Prize Committee has decided to bring a little joy and happiness to the humble people of Earth. The crafty bastards of the Committee have said “fuck tradition” and awarded this year’s prize to U.S. President Barack Obama.

The Norwegian Nobel Committee’s deadline for nominations was February 1, just 11 days after Obama’s inauguration, and around 200 nominations were received. Also around that time, Wii Fit was really taking the world by storm, and the Nobel Committee decided that being in shape (and having fun! Oh yes, fun!) was much more important than actually reviewing all of the boring fucks that had been nominated for this year’s Peace Prize. Seriously, name five of ‘em. Neither can I.

Overheard during the eight minute long discussion panel to choose this year’s winner was the following conversation:

“Shit, man. Look at all of these fucking people.”

“Seriously, I have to Google everyone I’ve seen so fa… hey look! Barack Obama! Isn’t that the dude running for President of the U.S.?”

“Hey dildo, he’s been President for 11 days now.”

“Really? Has he done anything cool yet?”

“He’s black.”

“WHAT!?”

“Yep.”

“Fuck it, winner. Let’s go play Wii Fit.”